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12.14.16

Holiday Movies: Our Top 5

Holiday Movies: The Top 5

There were, like, seventeen other holiday movies that could have been on this list but you have to draw the line somewhere. Here’s a handy reference for the top five holiday movies to put you in the festive spirit!

A Christmas Story

This is one of those movies where even if you’ve never seen it, you still vaguely know what the leg lamp is. All nine-year-old Ralphie Parker wants for Christmas is a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle, but everyone says “You’ll shoot your eye out.” Do not try this at home! Also: a kid gets his tongue stuck to a flag pole, a bunch of dogs steal the Christmas turkey, and Ralphie drops the F-bomb. Ho ho ho!

Stocking Stuffer: You can buy your very own movie-authentic leg lamp from a major retailer near you.

It’s a Wonderful Life

Possibly the biggest tear-jerker of the season. A small-town guy with big dreams puts them on the back burner and ends up feeling like a failure. An angel steps in and shows him what life would be like if he’d never been born. SPOILER: Donna Reed gets glasses (how come this is “the worst fate ever”?). If you’re not sobbing into a hanky when George Bailey’s community rallies round him after he’s about to lose the bank, you might not be human.

Stocking Stuffer: Take a shot of egg-nog every time somebody says that annoying catchphrase “Hee haw!” Whyyy.

Miracle on 34th Street

One little girl learns to believe in Santa and a New York State judge bangs a gavel and says, “TRUTH.” This movie has everything: the Thanksgiving Day Parade, Santa Claus, and a rival department store executive who for some reason is always portrayed as evil. Which is better, by the way—the 1947 version with Hollywood starlet Maureen O’Hara or the 1994 version with flip phones? Discuss.

Stocking Stuffer: Any old man with a white beard MIGHT BE THE REAL SANTA. So always carry cookies and milk.

White Christmas

This is possibly the most Christmas-y movie that was ever made. It’s like Christmas threw up all over this movie, but in a heartwarming way. Post-WWII vets/musical entertainers get together at a Vermont lodge where they’re disappointed that there’s no snow on Christmas. Until there is! Yay! And Bing Crosby sings “White Christmas” and everyone’s like, “aww.”

Stocking Stuffer: This film has major music and dance numbers. Get some cardio by turning it into an instructional workout video!

How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch. Okay, it’s a 26-minute TV short, not a movie, but this ‘60s classic will never die. Not with sick burns like “I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole.” The Grinch decides one year to steal Christmas with the help of loyal dog, Max, who seriously needs a labor union. Luckily for us, the Whos down in Whoville know what Christmas is really about: growing your heart three sizes and then feasting on Roast Beast.

Stocking Stuffer: Assign a ringtone version of “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” to the grumpiest person in your phonebook. Hee hee hee.

How’d we do on our top picks? What’s on your go-to holiday movie list? Please say Claymation.

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